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Monday, February 14, 2011

Renay S


Dear Renay,

It’s been awhile since we sat down and talked, I can’t even remember the last time we did. I know that inside you are hurting and can’t get out of this rut that you are in. It’s like you want to stand in the middle of a crowd and just SCREAM.  I see you sitting in front of a mirror with the blank stare, like no one is there and you’re trying to find who you are. You have weight issues that bring you down because you’re trying to be what society wants you to be, trying to feel pretty when there is so much ugly around you.  I love when people tell you that you are beautiful, I just wish that you would believe it. You are such a beautiful person inside and out and you have accomplished so many things in the short time you have been on this earth. 

But kid, I know you have things in your life that don’t make sense. Like the birth of your son, having a baby at 25 weeks gestation was a horrible experience and so scary that I don’t blame you for not wanting to bring another child in this world. But you can’t give up on that dream. Because I know that’s the one thing in the whole world that you wanted the most….children…a family!

And it doesn’t help that you were a single mom from the beginning, in theory anyway.  But you are stronger than you realize because you made it through that hard time and it was worth it because you look at Donovan now 5 years later and you can’t believe it. He is the most amazing thing that you have ever fought for. Yes it was dark times, even when it was suppose to be the happiest moment of your life, but you stayed strong.  You had the amazing support from your family that kept your head high and made you realize your heart couldn’t give up on your dream. 

The past 8 years you have been put through hell and back with your moms failing health with diabetes, failing 13 year relationship with someone that you thought would last forever, even friendships that were so far beyond repair you felt like you were completely alone. I’m so sorry that I couldn’t do more to protect you from all of the tears and from the nasty thoughts that maybe everyone would be better off without you.  But you will find your way again, there is a star in the sky that is waiting to shine again. There are new friendships to be made, a new love to be found. I love you Nay Nay and I just want to see you happy. I don’t remember the last time I saw you truly smile. You deserve the best and so does Donovan, please don’t give up. You will learn to love and trust again, even though you think it’s just a fairytale. Things will be okay. You are a strong beautiful woman and one day you will truly see how much you mean to people and more importantly yourself! 

Xoxox,

Inner Me
  

3 comments:

Aimee said...

OK, so this one is hard for me to read because I feel the same way about feeling scared to have another kid, even though it was my dream to have a big family. I wish to some day be as strong as you to even be able to tell myself to not give up on that dream. Right now, that is so far away. I can't even entertain the idea of entertaining the idea.

Des said...

Sometmes i wanna scream too!!! lol
Glad we have forged a friendship after we finally got to know ourselves first!! Loved your letter :) Thank you for sharing \!!

Iman Woods Creative said...

Ditto-ing Aimee... Thank you for sharing!

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