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Monday, February 14, 2011

Lindsey B



Dear Lindsey

You need to let the past go. I know your life has been one medical disaster after another but you need to stop focusing on worrying and begin to focus on living. Before you we diagnosed with Burkett’s Lymphoma at age 14, you were a vibrant and outgoing little girl. You loved to sing and dance. After the intense treatment and remission, you became a shadow. You never commended yourself for surviving the fight. You did it! You beat a tough form of cancer and you are still here! You won. It is gone!  Standing in the corners is not for you. Eventually when you got to college, you started to step out, but still found yourself focusing on fears and were too scared to get attached to anyone. Yes, you did well. You graduated magna cum laude – but did you ever let go of your fears? Not really. 

When you got your first job teaching, I began to see the real Lindsey . The Lindsey that loved to rock climb and sing. When you sang in the talent show for the kids, I was so proud of you. You faced your fear of rejection and did it. And you did it well!  But then things fell apart for you again with the postpartum depression. When you were hospitalized, you became a zombie. The next year, it felt like you were just a shell. Like no one was home. You had this beautiful little baby, that they said you would never have, but you were missing. There was no light in you anymore. But you fought. You fought hard and with every ounce of your being to get back. And you did. You made it. You smile. You laugh. You love. You hold your son and sing him to sleep. But still, the fear is there.

As your son is growing up, you are learning. You are taking things as they come, day by day. You are trying to keep a positive attitude and last year, when they told you it was another tumor, you made it through that as well. It was scary and it was not fair, but you did it. Congratulate yourself for all of the fights you have won. I know you feel alone all the time. I know you think that you are broken. But you are beautiful. The way you look at your family and hold your son close is beautiful. Despite the weight gain from all of the medications, you are beautiful. I know you hate the mirror and see a monster in it- but you are beautiful. You have made it through so much in your life and have come out of it a better, stronger, woman. You need to realize you have no control over the future and to stop worrying about it. You need to focus on the now. Have fun with your family now. Hug your husband and son often and Now. 

You are a survivor Lindsey. You have so much more to do. Stop being scared – scared of illness, scared of being alone, scared of life. This is no way to live. You need to get out there and enjoy life. Be the girl I know is in you. The girl who loves triathlons, the girl who is going to attempt her first half marathon. I know that scares you and that you are procrastinating on your training. But do not let the fear win. Train! Lindsey, you are a survivor. Survivors are strong. Be strong. Live life as you want to. DO NOT LET FEAR WIN. Teach your son that fear cannot hold you back. Teach him to live life and to go for it!

Sincerely,

Lindsey B 
(p.s – I love you!)
 

9 comments:

Iman Woods Creative said...

What a great lesson, live the life you want live! Your hubby and son are so lucky to have you.

LindseyB said...

Writing this letter helped me to see things that I try to hide from. It allowed me to put on paper things that I am able to avoid or pretend don't exist when it is just in my head. It also happened to be on a night during which I am really really struggling with loving myself. Thank you for this opportunity. I really needed to see this.

Maria K. said...

Lindsey, this is amazing. Your letter reminded me a lot of my mom - she was a survivor too.

Iman Woods Creative said...

Lindsey, writing my own letter made me feel that way. That there things I was living with that I refused to acknowledge, making them stronger!

You've named these thoughts and feelings as something OUTSIDE of you. You're taking back your power! I'm sorry you had a rough night, but am so proud that you made the choice to love yourself.

Hugs, sweetheart. There are better days to come.

Aimee said...

Choked up.... I relate to this too much.

Jen V. said...

Linds,

I have been so blessed to have you in my life for SO MANY years! You inspire me daily with the things that you have overcome in your lifetime. I love the strength that you displayed for any of those of us who have watched how you have dealt with the hand life has given you! You are my amazing best friend and I love you so much! I can only hope to look in the face adversity and say, "Forget YOU!" as you have, handling it with dignity and such beautiful grace! You are beautiful in EVERY WAY!!

Rhett VanderVeen said...

Lindsey,

You are an incredibly strong woman. We are very blessed to have you as a friend. We truly value you and your husbands friendship. You are Beautiful inside and out. Thanks for being such an inspiration to us. Keep up the hard work and start training so Jen and I can be at the finish line at the half marathon.

Your friend,
Rhett

JasonB said...

You are a beautiful person! It is time that you start seeing that in yourself. You can finght anything, God is in your heart and has blessed us as Iman said.

Iman Woods Creative said...

I'm so happy I finally got to meet you in person and see this beauty first hand! You're making it. You're making that life you want. You can knocked down, but by golly you're gonna get back up! Beautiful.

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